A few weeks ago, a couple of family members of mine came to visit for a week and I, of course, had a girl talk with my cousin.
At that point, I was still hung up on Dat-Bod-Doe and thinking of him just yanked at my heartstrings. Hard. Kinda. I gave her a brief rundown of my time with him and then ended it with "casual dating is so not for me. I don't understand it when people say that they just want to look for fun. I mean, why start something that you know is going to end? What's more, why are you accepting heartbreak right from the get-go?"
To these questions, she answered, "They don't have to end in heartbreak. Plus, everything has to end at some point."
And then it dawned on me: it's true, they don't have to end in heartbreak. Not everybody gets as attached as I do, and if they do, people can just outrun the relationship and have it fizzle up peacefully.
I guess I've already known this but I never actually REGISTERED it in my mind. I couldn't imagine myself getting into a relationship just to enjoy someone's company but have it dissipate into nothing without either one of us getting hurt.
What are the chances of even having such a breakup? Do you stay friends afterwards or do you both agree you're sick of each other's presence and you just ignore each other? I'm guessing it's the former and you're probably really good friends at that point since you guys have had nice moments together.
I remember thinking that casual dating was something I could get the hang of and that it was part of growing up. You needed a certain mindset to be able to deal with (or just..not care about) other people who don't want to invest much in you as you don't them.
And then I read something online that said, "I know I'm growing up because now I just want to settle down. I just want to date a respectable girl instead of having fun with multiple girls." or something along the lines of that.
And then it hit me again: I wasn't growing up by adopting a new funfunfun mindset, I was going backwards! What would I have done if I got to a point where commitment scared me at the age of 29?
That isn't to say that those who have adopted such a mindset are going backwards, nor does it suggest that what they're doing is wrong.
In some respects, I've grown up by exploring this new aspect of dating since it's made me reaffirm my wants and needs as a commitment-driven person. I've gotten a lot of it out of my system and I've felt like it was something to experience at least once in my life. Conclusion: Traditional dating is where it's at for me and that will probably not change for me.
It's hard to stay away from hookup culture since there are all these people who are readily available to make you feel good (whether physically or emotionally) but instant gratification can leave you feeling so empty. At least, it leaves me feeling empty at the end of the day.
It would just be nice to be with someone and then be with them more and more and more and know that they want to be with you more and more and more.
I've tried to build this strong character and the more I stand by my values, the more I can feel myself really getting into it. I may feel more lonely now but I'm sure it'll all be worth it in the long run.
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