I think I'm self-sabotaging, honestly. No idea what's wrong with me but I always know what to say to ruin things whenever I gush about guys to several people.
Exhibit A: I write about how well things are going with SpaceGuy and tell my cousins that I'm currently seeing a 26 year old guy. Later on that day, I seem to say all the wrong things (and I KNOW THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE BAD CONSEQUENCES BECAUSE I HAVE A BAD FEELING DEEEEP, DEEP DOWN INSIDE ME BUT NOPE I DECIDE TO NOT LISTEN TO THAT LITTLE VOICE) aaaaand then I end up having a long conversation with him 'til 2am because we're breaking up. Yay. Yayayayayayayy. I don't know why I do this to my grades and to my own mental health. I'm weird. Alright, I'm going to cry over my grades and my love life a little later. For now, I'm going to try and cram as much as I can and hope that I don't break down crying during the exam and during my dinner with my friends. :) :) :) :) :) :)
A reminder to myself: THIS IS A GOOD THING. THIS BREAKUP IS A GOOD THING. THIS IS A GOOD THING. IT WAS INEVITABLE. SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED WEEKS AGO.
Fuck. So many ragrets, I just want to be with him and have everything be alright. This breakup is a good thing. This breakup is a good thing. This breakup is a hella fucking good thing.
No comments:
Post a Comment