Unfortunately, I'm not unfamiliar with people ignoring my messages or calls. Below, I shall "briefly" include my encounters with such behavior.
Part 1
A) Pseudo-Prince
Ah Mr. I-said-I-love-you-first, I'll never forget how much my heart dropped when you started pulling away from me. If I tried calling him and he didn't pick up (he never picked up), he wouldn't call me back or message me asking why I called.
I would get a reply** hours and hours later...sometimes days later. Everything was so sporadic, I couldn't understand what was happening since we talked and skyped for hours the previous week...and suddenly, everything just stopped.
Honeymoon phase? Nope. He killed it. Brutally.
**Note: The messages/texts I sent were very sweet and not at all naggy.
e.g. After a long day of no contact because my ex was working really hard for summer school, I decided to send the following text to him:
"Hey sweetie, I know you're going to bed now but I'm not going anytime soon. I just wanted to tell you I love you and I believe in you! Keep studying hard! Hope your dreams are as sweet as you. :)"Guess who didn't even say "thank you" or "I love you" back? At all. Ever.
B) Dat-Bod-Doe
Guess who still hasn't replied to my break-up message? Yup, Mr. Ridiculously-Gorgeous-Blue-Eyes. I wanted to call things off with him in person but DBD kept ignoring my messages AND texts whenever I would try to make plans with him. What other choice did I have?
Two days after he flew to Texas, I decided I couldn't prolong my pain any longer and just had to sever our (extremely loose) ties. I wiggled my fingers and spent a lot of time trying to find a way to phrase what I had to say in a way that wasn't accusing, rude, or full of blame. I wrote him a civil message telling him that I needed someone more engaging and something more serious than what we had and that I couldn't continue seeing him if things were just going to stay the way they were at that point.
I know that there really isn't much to say to a message like that...but I would have at least appreciated a little acknowledgement or something like "I'm sorry you feel that way, I wish you the best as well."
Part 2
Remember when I mentioned Banter-Buddy in this blog post? I realized I never actually shed some light on how things ended.
Ready? Okay, here we go:
- We matched on Tinder
- Talked a lot and really clicked
- He mentioned he was looking for a fuck buddy who could offer intellectual conversation (...so a girlfriend....but without the commitment or care....uh huh.)
- I declined the offer
- We continued talking for hours and hours and discovered many common interests
- I thought we could be really good friends
- Thought process: Since he already had other fuck buddies, I could offer the intellectual conversation part and it wouldn't really make much of a difference. I was like a fluffer of sorts except I was only stimulating his mind.
- We were supposed to watch something on Netflix together (but in our own respective homes. We were going to stream the movie at the same time on our computers)
- I made last-minute plans with friends and ended up coming home too late to stream the movie
- We talked the next day and he suggested trying again that night
- He made last-minute plans with friends and never got back to me ever again
Yup, that's right, after going out with his friends (or maybe he just lied to me?), he pretended like I didn't exist anymore. He never responded to my texts and didn't pick up my calls either. Obviously, leaving me hanging like that made me feel awful. I felt kinda empty and the lack of conclusion really bothered me. I needed closure and I didn't get it even though I straight up asked him for it (I told him that if he was going to ignore me from then on, he could have at least had the courtesy to tell me. He never responded to that text either).
That being said, surprise! There's actually a part B to the whole Banter-Buddy story.
- Friend was looking for sex
- I was tipsy
- Brilliant idea: Hook up friend with Banter-Buddy!!11!1!!!1!1!1
- Thought process: She wanted sex, he wanted sex. I needed closure. Okay, okay, okay, you caught me, I had a teeny, tiny bit of a crush on him (VERY TINY) and, well, if my friend had sex with him, then I had more reason to stop thinking about him. Win-win-win at the temporary expense of my feelings.
- Friend kept asking me (when I sobered up) if it was okay if she did it with him and tried to make sure she wasn't jeopardizing our friendship
- I gave her the green light, texted him about her, and sent him a snap of her
- He replies all eager and friendly
- He explains that he ignored me because he "didn't have time for friends" but if I ever wanted to hook up, he's available.
- He also asks for more snaps from me because he "miss[ed] [my] cute face". Yeah. *Scoffs*
- I go to Osheaga
- They have sex later that day
- He texts me "I fucked your friend." with a smirky emoticon
- I reply with two thumbs up because what else am I even supposed to say? I'm just trying really hard to not care.
- He responds with "You could at least pretend to be happy for me"
- He also proceeds to tell me that "we should start talking again because [I'm] cool."
- Lol Osheaga? More like, OShitga
- After a couple of deep breaths, I managed to shake off my heebie jeebies and sort-of enjoy Osheaga. :)
Even though the entire ordeal was really sucky to deal with, I can confidently say that I do have closure about Banter-Buddy. I don't talk to him anymore and I really am better off without him. He may not want to allot time for me since I'm not offering him sex but that's fine with me. I really don't have time for that fake shit.
Addendum: My friend recently informed me that a lot of the things he told me were lies. No surprise there. I won't go into a lot of detail but she told me that the things he did/said did not match up with what I told her. He was just all talk, basically. *shrug*
Related
Another friend of mine chatted with this guy for a month or two (or more?) and they were supposed to meet up for...activities. She told me that she invested a lot of time talking to this guy and when the day came, he hadn't contacted her to confirm their plans...And that was it. She hasn't heard from him since.
It was Banter-Buddy all over again with the exception that she was willing to provide the services he wanted. She is so stumped, angry, and lost.
And then I have this other friend whose (now ex) boyfriend never started conversations with her. He thought talking on the phone was weird and he hardly ever texted her.
People suck. Having gone through the stuff mentioned above and having my dear friends go through shitty things as well has made me lose sight of the hopeless romantic in me.
I forgot what a relationship felt like and more importantly, I forgot what it was like to be treated with respect.
But just because a handful of people are shitty, that doesn't mean everyone else is just as shitty
A couple of days ago, I had a board game night with a couple of friends from high school. Three of the girls were taken and two (including me) were not.
One of the girls' boyfriend had called her that night to tell her his whereabouts and his activities since (if I remember correctly) she asked him to. After talking for a couple of minutes, she ended the call with "I love you" and it hit me: I hadn't heard or said that phrase in such a long time.
Suddenly, I remembered what it felt like to be in a stable relationship. I remembered how nice it was to have someone care for your well-being. I remembered how happy I felt talking to a boyfriend after a long day at school.
Hours later, he called again. Memories flooded my head.
Another one of the girls also received a call from her boyfriend. Again, her call ended with "I love you."
Last night, I was out with 2 of the girls from that board game night with one other girl and when we sat down to play Scrabble, the boyfriend who had called one of the girls the other night called her that night as well. I overheard her say "Umm yeah I think I'll still be awake in an hour. Sure, you can call back then." Obviously, this call also ended with the three little words.
Bam. Just like that, all of these calls reminded me that functional relationships do exist.
They made me realize that I lost sight of what I wanted and that I had forgotten how much I missed talking to someone on the phone before bed. I missed hearing about someone's day and telling them all about mine, no matter how uneventful.
I've been so caught up with having fun that I forgot one of phrases I used to constantly tell people and myself: Good things come to those who wait.
I genuinely, naively, and wholeheartedly believe that there is good in this world and that there are people out there that will love us the way that we love them and then some.
I'm reassured about my dreams and desires because I have living proof that they exist. I may not have them now but I will sometime in the future, whenever that will be.
It's hard to hold onto what you believe in and what you truly want when all your other friends are different. The girls in my program are more sex-driven and I know that a lot of people our age are mostly looking to have fun, that's totally fine.
Though I'm easily swayed and influenced, I know that I can now stand my ground with what I'm looking for. I'm okay and I feel fine. Let's hope I keep this up.
Watch out, Prince Charming, a goofball is coming your way and she wants to settle your ass down. (LET ME LOVE YOU)
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