Emotionally draining

If I haven't mentioned this before, I'll say it now: The guy I'm currently seeing is Dat-Bod-Doe.  We've had our romantic, sweet moments.  They're lovely.  My only complaint(s) about Dat-Bod-Doe would be the fact that he doesn't text me back sometimes (something Pseudo-Prince was also faulty of but to a larger degree) and that (I think) he (sometimes...or really, just these past few days) ignores my texts when I try to make plans with him.  Oh and also the fact that he doesn't start conversations with me, much less offer decent conversation when we do have a chat open.

I know that eventually, we'll grow distant and stop seeing each other, or maybe he'll decide that he's bored of me and tell me that he doesn't have the time to see me.  The only reason why I'm framing our eventual "break up" around his decision is because I hold onto people, memories, objects, anything.  I always find it hard to cut things out of my life.  Even the simplest things like throwing things away from my childhood that I don't need anymore and getting rid of old schoolwork are really hard for me.  I hold onto these items because I always have that "But what if I need it later on and I just don't know it? I don't want to regret throwing this stuff out." mentality.

In the case of Dat-Bod-Doe, I've been secretly wishing that he would magically get clingier and have a need to talk to me more often.  I don't even want him to be CLINGY, just more chatty, more "Oh hey, I haven't talked to Goofball in 2 days, I kinda miss her. I should text her to see how she is."  Is that too much to ask for?

He's told me about the cute things he's done for his ex-girlfriends back in high school and they all sound like things I would want my own Prince Charming to do for me.  Brace yourself for the cheesiest thing ever: 

Homecoming?

> He needs to ask his girlfriend to homecoming

> Makes cakepops for her and puts "HC?" on them

> She doesn't like that and tells him to redo the entire "asking out" part (LOLWTF?? UNGRATEFUL GIRL)

Homecoming? 2.0

> He buys a shit ton of roses

> Places 1 rose on her desk before she gets to every one of her classes so that they're there waiting for her 

> Hides in closet of her final class with a bouquet of roses and asks her to homecoming

Ah Americans, you so romantic.

Anyway, I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME.  I know he is capable of doing sweet things.  But...why isn't he doing them for me?  Oh right, we're CASUALLY DATING.  Ughghgughguhgughalskdcjijeal;ksjdfiejas.  I guess he just doesn't care about me enough to want something more serious or to want to put in the extra effort.  Or maybe he's just lazier now and really can't be bothered.  Whichever the reason, I'm craving that sort of care.  After cycling through 2 serious boyfriends who haven't done anything of the sorts for me (well...Pseudo-Prince had his moments in that he would offer to pick me up to drive me to his place and would drive me home. That was amazing), I'm starting to think that no guy will ever want to do something for me.  Ever.  ...But I'm worth it.  I know I am.  I know that a relationship is reciprocal.  I fear that the more frogs I date, the more I'll lose my spirit and lose my naivety.

Being naive is so great because I get to give someone my everything without thinking twice about whether or not he's just saying sweet things to me to dupe me.  I like being trusting and believing that the other loves me just as much as I do them.  Being naive may seem stupid but being cautious takes away so much from a relationship.

The more discouraged I get, the more my naivety disappears.  What's left behind is a shell of despair, sourness, and a girl who can't seem to trust that the next guy will offer something better.