Personal Rumspringa

Rumspringa

noun. (in some Amish communities) A period of adolescence in which boys and girls are given greater personal freedom, [...] usually ending with the choices of baptism into the church or leaving the community. 

Being a tiny Asian girl raised to abide by my parents' rules, it's no secret that I've always been iffy about going out late at night.  Finally, just before my 20th birthday, I decided it was time to break free and explore what the world had to offer.

I took a deep breath and leaped into this easy-going world full of people who "just wanted to have fun" which was, of course, centered around alcohol.

Social drinking is a huge thing (my wallet cries every time) and relationships are nowhere to be found.  Sure, my girl friends are on the lookout for guys, but not necessarily for something as long-term as I have in mind.

I decided to take this exploration a little further and tried my hand at Tinder and OKCupid because why not?  I wanted to see what they were like and what kind of people I'd find there.  I didn't necessarily jump into the whole dating app scene to find myself a hookup or a boyfriend, I was more curious and amused than anything.  Diving right into both platforms had me coming out with a small handful of people I had fun talking to.  It was like Omegle except I knew that these people had some sort of romantic pull towards me (Well...some of them didn't.  They revealed that my personality had drawn them in but if it weren't for my humor, they wouldn't have given me the time of day.  My looks didn't make the cut.  Welp.)  

Although OKCupid is more known as an actual dating website, I've found that many people who frequented it were also only looking for casual sex or "nothing too serious" since they just wanted to focus on themselves and "the gym".  I actually asked one of the guys who was interested in me what he would define as something "serious" and he said: 

"[It's] Where you lay your problems, your life, your weekend plans, everything involving parties, including sacrificing, jealousy, and shit I don't need in university, whereas dating is just fun and nice to start." 

Basically, what I'm getting from this is that no one really wants another person to think about.  Casual dating is literally having someone on the side who you can kiss and have sex with (if you choose to do so) without ever having to care about them.  There is absolutely no sense of attachment to this person and you're pretty much just using them for their body.  But...I don't get it.  I don't get how you can go about your life doing your own thing and not even think about that someone at least once throughout your day.

I guess it's nice to have someone on the side to kiss and hold even though you don't necessarily want things to be official between you guys.  Not having to give your all to someone because you can't just deal with someone else's problems but still having that loving comfort we all crave....ah the ultimate form of casual dating.  No obligations, nothing.

To me, casual dating would be a transition period that would lead you into being a couple.  It's you testing out the waters to see if you'd like to continue seeing this person.  It's that period where you say "It's not official yet" but you hope it could be in the near future.

This whole scene young adults are participating in is all so new to me and even though I'm starting to get the hang of it, I don't think I even want to be in it.

Jumping around from conversation to conversation with a different guy at the other end of each one was pretty exciting and fun for a while...but after a certain amount of time, the novelty wore off and I realized just how void my life really was.  I was filling my time with these boring conversations with guys who couldn't give an engaging response no matter how many bones I threw them.  Once in a while, I would find a really interesting guy who would make me laugh and we'd talk at great lengths, making me think I had found a cool person to befriend (which I had!).

What kept me hooked to Tinder and OKCupid was the fact that I kept matching with and receiving messages from people.  At some level, it reassured me that there WERE people out there who didn't need to "get to know me better" to like me.  What I'm saying is, I'm used to hearing "Oh, I never saw you that way..." even though that wasn't what I got from Pseudo-Prince (he was interested in my smile right from the get-go) nor Dat-Bod-Doe (he lusted for me right from the get-go as well).

Okay, maybe it wasn't so much that.  I really have nothing to do with my summer right now and talking to people is just fun!

My pursuit in being a typical young adult made me feel so free, I couldn't get enough of it.  I finally felt like an empowered movie character with that super catchy soundtrack blaring over a shot of the character dancing/strutting around in their own element.  The rush of making my own foolish decisions and having fun the way you'd picture a university student would have fun made me feel so alive.  I felt reborn.

Despite all of this, after going on this personal rumspringa of sorts, I can definitely conclude that I much prefer stability and seriousness.  That being said, I don't regret dabbling in casual dating and moving a little fast with Maxi-Man, Pseudo-Prince and (sort of) Dat-Bod Doe (surprisingly, I moved a little slower with DBD even though he was the best looking guy I had ever dated).

I was so caught up in this new hedonistic lifestyle, I had to shove my traditional values in a corner and try to not listen to that little voice in my heart.  But after having my fun and putting things into perspective, I know that deep down, I really am just a hopeless romantic with big dreams that don't match this scene.

I just want to have that one person I can call mine.
That one person who'll give me little kisses everywhere just because.
That one person who'll call me up and excitedly recount a funny thing that just happened to them.
That one person who'll look at me with loving eyes and gently bump his forehead against mine.
That one person who'll take just as much time out of his day for me as I do for him.
That one person who'll hold me in his arms and won't let go no matter how long I've been there.

I would much rather focus all my energy and love on one person rather than several different guys who give me empty compliments in hopes of getting some action.

I feel hopeful for the future, though.  I know that the right person for me is out there somewhere doing something really cool and making bad puns I'll surely appreciate once we meet.  His friends are probably also groaning at his awful jokes and shaking their heads at how terrible his humor is but they still love being around him anyway.

I'll find my tech-savvy Mr. Handsome someday.  I know I will.