As I write this post, I have no idea how I'm feeling. Is it indifference? Melancholy? Who knows? My body was so confused, it pretty much resorted to crying because when in doubt, just cry. Flawless logic, am I right?
Today, at 1pm, I finally received a reply back from Dat-Bod-Doe.
My phone buzzed, I stirred. I then heard the ding notification that tells me someone messaged me on Facebook. I groggily reached over and grabbed my phone, accepting that it was time to wake up, no matter how much I wanted to slink back into my dark bliss.
I sifted through most of my 18 notifications and decided to check Messenger. After replying to 2 people, I selected the next chathead and wondered who it was since I didn't recognize the photo. After opening up the conversation, my eyes were overwhelmed with a wall of text. Confused, I checked out the named of the sender and my eyes immediately widened. I held my breath. After 20 days of being ignored, I finally got something back from Dat-Bod-Doe.
Isn't it coincidentally funny that he decided to message me the day after I posted "A reminder"? That seemed to happen quite a few times while we dated, actually. He would usually message me right when I would grumble about him to friends, making me think I should complain about him more often to get him to talk to me more.
His response was actually very nicely written. For a moment, I completely forgot how long ago I had broken up with him, it felt like it had just happened the day before.
The way he worded it humanized him a great deal. For so long, I just heard "He's an assohole." from my friends and that's all I could picture. For 20 days, he was a heartless guy who couldn't care less whether we were together or not. For all I know, he could still be that guy and truth be told, I probably cherish our good moments more than he does. But then again, that's just the way I am with everyone. But anyway, that's besides the point.
What I was trying to get at was the fact that I had seen him in this black and white light--he was a dick and that was that. I had forgotten that he was also a person who also enjoyed spending time with me...at least that's what he claimed in his reply. I had assumed that everything that had happened between us was all fake or that he was possibly seeing someone else simultaneously. I mean, I wasn't having sex with him, maybe he was getting his fix elsewhere?
In his message, he said everything I needed him to say and then some. He sounded kind, understanding, and he owned up to being a jerk for not answering sooner.
My mind is thankful for the content of the reply since it's enough for closure but it's still a little confused. I don't feel depressed nor do I feel angry about it all...and that's what's confusing. I feel like I should care more about it or I should heave a huge sigh and feel a bit of freedom, yet I feel nothing.
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